Ethnography: Observing Romance in Public Spaces---9/21/10

Observation:
I work as host in a hotel restaurant. I decided to do my observations from my greeter’s stand at the front of the restaurant. I observed restaurant patrons for the length of my Friday night shift. I have decided focus on three couple’s for my observation and analysis. While more patrons were observed, I believed these three couples to be the most significant in analyzing and relating to back popular culture and romance.
Couple #1
In the restaurant I first observed an older couple in their fifties. This couple is regulars; they sit in the same booth every Friday and order the same meal. There was very little chat or interaction between the couple. Very little affection like hand holding or hugging was observed. They seem to have been married for many years.
Couple #2
Another couple observed was a family of three. The parents looked to be in their forties and the child was elementary school aged. The couple was celebrating a wedding anniversary as noted in the reservation book. The husband made the reservation and had a large floral arrangement delivered to the table before their arrival. Once the couple arrived there was very little affection between the couple. The husband entered the restaurant before his family. He simply states that he has a reservation and nothing more. The wife follows in with their child. The wife and child are enthralled in their own conservation and the husband is promptly ignored. I sit the family at their table that has been adorned with a lovely bouquet. The wife sits in the booth with their daughter and the husband opposite of them. It is not until after I have handed out menus that the wife acknowledges the flowers and meekly offers thanks to her husband. Throughout the meal the female remains unengaged with her husband. Little conversation or affection is exchanged between the couple. The wife’s attention seems to be solely on the child and the husband seems to be focusing his attention on the activity outside their window.
Couple#3
Much different than the couple celebrating their wedding anniversary is a young couple on a date. This couple is in their mid to late twenties, both are attractive and well dressed. When they enter the restaurant they are holding hands and laughing and smiling at each other. I seat them at their table and both sit on the same side of the booth. The man remarks to me that sitting across from her is just too far away. For the duration of their meal the couple can be seen canoodling and whispering into each other’s ears. There is a lot physical interaction among the two and lots of eye contact is made. When they leave, again they are holding hands with very little room between their bodies. They are smiling and thank me profusely for a wonderful meal.
Analysis:
I chose to analyze these three couples out of all the other people observed because I believe that cumulatively they represent the traditional American romance. All three couples are white, and most likely from an affluent background given the pricing of the restaurant and their attire. The couples represent what Americans tend to expect in different stages of a long relationship. In the beginning, there is a certain level of affection that all new couples exhibit. The constant touching, hand holding and whispering sweetly to one another is expected. Couple #3 clearly exhibits all the characteristics of new love. The man wants to sit next to his woman and is unashamed of making his intentions and feelings for her known to a stranger. Throughout this couple’s dinner a steady conversation takes place, along with flirting and lighted hearted jokes that is evidenced by giggling and hand gestures. The sharing of intimate moments in public without regard to who’s watching is also typical of new love. New couples are so enamored with each other and the idea being in love that little else enters their periforary. Couple #3 is a clear representation of what I believe all relationships resemble in their early stages.
Moving on to Couple #2, this couple represents the way children can change any relationship. I do not know how this couple used to interact prior to having a child, but I do assume that the relationship was at some point very much like Couple #3’s relationship. This couple’s daughter is clearly the wife’s most important priority. I wonder if the child had not been there if the celebration of their anniversary would have gone differently. The wife seems to mostly ignore her husband and barely offers any thanks for the thoughtfulness of flowers on their anniversary. Children usually add a new kind of stress to a marriage that does not subside until after the children have moved out of the house and the couple can reconnect with one another. This is clearly shown by Couple #2. The husband seems unfazed by his wife’s lackadaisical response to the bouquet of flowers. This suggests that maybe this was not the first time that he had been ignored by his wife in the presence of their daughter. I have to wonder what reaction the husband was hoping to illicit from his partner because neither one seemed too thrilled to be there having dinner together. In fact the only person who seemed excited about the flowers and the restaurant was the daughter. She was more excited about seeing the flowers than the man’s wife. Although the couple is supposed to be celebrating their anniversary, had it not been for the flowers, onlookers would have been hard pressed to see anything other than a couple and their child eating dinner out. This couple probably at one time adored each other, but their adoration has turned into steely demeanors and a noticeable longing to go home and find solace on their own side of the bed.
Couple #1 seem to have a steady routine within their life. They regularly come to the restaurant and have dinner at about the same time every week. During that time, the same behavior can always be observed between. Although there is very little affection, there does seem to be a comfortableness between them. This is what leads me to believe that they have been married for a very long time. They seem content with habitualness of their actions. Every Friday the wife orders the same entrée, and every Friday she forgets exactly how she likes it cooked. It is as though they are each playing a part and each knows their lines by heart. The only thing different about Couple #1 this Friday, than most other Fridays is that they ordered a dessert to share. Normally they order their entrées within the first five minutes of sitting down and after that has been eaten there is very little lingering. They are usually out with in an hour. However on this night they shared a dessert from across the table. It was the most intimate interaction I have observed between the couple. Couple #1 seems comfortable with the identies they formed for each other within their marriage. The wife is talkative and often answers most inquiries about their day and lives. The husband seems content to remain silent and allow his wife to do the talking.
From an observational stand point there is by no means anything that one would define as radical about any of the romances I observed. This in my opinion makes them even more interesting. Perhaps the radical romance does not actually exist. I’m not quite sure what would make any real life romance, radical, outside of the realm of fiction. Even gay and lesbian romances, fit the same bill. The only difference is that the sexes of the partners are the same. Every romance starts out in the same way. Maybe the real radical romances are the ones that begin and end the same. Still as happily and affectionately as they began.